DEAR LIBERALS: I WANT A DIVORCE!

This has been going about the internet for some time, and thought I’d share it here for the benefit of anyone who missed it.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

I   know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of our shared past;   and for future generations. But, sadly, this relationship has clearly run its   course. The last three years has made me realize that I want a divorce.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what   is right for us all. We’ve compromised everything that either of us can. Now   we face nothing but impasse.  So let’s   just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable   differences and go our own way.

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country; each taking a similar   portion. This, of course, will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two   sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively   easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets   since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

  • We’ll keep the concept of American Exceptionalism. You can have Moral Relativism.
  • You can have Liberals, Progressives, Socialists, Communists, Environmentalists and “Black-Box” Anarchists. We’ll keep capitalism, “greedy” corporations, pharmaceutical companies, and Wal-Mart.
  • We don’t like redistributive taxes, you can keep them. You are also welcome to liberal judges, the ACLU, ACORN, PETA, and George Soros.
  • We’ll keep Donald Trump (with reservations), and the Koch Brothers.
  • Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the US Military. (Except the Coast Guard: I think joint custody would be in order.)
  • We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry. You can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
  • You can keep Michael Moore, Bill Maher, the girls of The View (except for Elizabeth!), and the Daily Show.
  • You can have your lifelong welfare dwellers, food stampers, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
  • We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, small business owners and rednecks.
  • You can have Hip-Hop music; we’ll keep Country!
  • You keep ABC, CBS, NBC/MSNBC, CNN, Al Jazeera and Hollywood (except for Gary Sinise, Mel Gibson and Tom Selleck). We’ll keep Fox News.
  • You can have the State Department, and try and make nice with Iran, Pakistan, North Korea and the Palestinians. We’ll retain the Pentagon, and the right to invade and hammer the places that threaten us.
  • You can have the Occupoopers, labor union thugs, tree-huggers and eco-terrorist . We’ll keep the Tea Party patriots.
  • You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and political correctness.  We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
  • You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
  • We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
  • You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
  • We’ll keep “The Star Spangled Banner” and “America the Beautiful”.  I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “Kumbaya” or “We Are the World”.
  • Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Sincerely,
The No Longer Silent Majority!

 

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10 thoughts on “DEAR LIBERALS: I WANT A DIVORCE!

  1. I guess my question is this: How hard have you tried to make things work?

    Have you sincerely listened to the other side? My experience is that when you have any large group of people, the majority will be followers (which is why both sides love baaing sheeple back and forth at each other). However, there will always be intelligent people who want the best for their country. This is true of the Occupiers like it’s true of the Teaparty.

    Before you sign the final papers, you may want to set your pre-conceived notions aside for a little while and actually listen to what these reasonable and intelligent people are saying, if nothing else, they may give you a few ideas to make your new country a better place (and if you do go, for the love of God, don’t forget to take Ann Coulter).

    • You sound like a typical liberal hypocrite. Did you notice the hypocrisy in you reply or are you so open minded that your brain has fallen out of your head? Don’t reply, I know the answer.

  2. This could be the worst possiable idea I have ever heard of, but lets go down the line.

    We are sorry American Exceptionalism comes form the free exchange of ideas and thoughts even if they are contrary to your own by shutting your self out form these ideals you lose all rights to this claim.

    Enjoy running your corporation without there R&D departments or anything that has to do with the fields of science and tech this will be explained more later.

    it’s ok we like roads, and schools.

    You can have most of them however we get NASA, lets be fair they wouldn’t want to work for you all anyway. They are scientist after all and part of those liberal intelligentsia.

    Our current lifestyle makes this move impossible, however this does not mean that other fuels, and power sources should not be looked for. You don’t want to that is fine, we will.

    Unlike you we welcome free exchange of ideas even if they may be contrary to our own, even if we don’t agree with them. I’ll tell you what the next time Bill Marher attempts to treat someone as a second class citizen you let me know.

    We’ll take them, what is that again on that statue of liberty, oh yes “Give me your tired, your poor,
    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” I remember when this was a source of pride of this country.

    Oh please take that quitting hockey mom to think she was almost our vice president and didn’t understand what that meant. I fully think small business owners should have the choice of where they go. And yeah please keep the rednecks.

    Can we split rock at least?

    You want the most dishonest and basis “news” organization out there? By all means have them. I would much rather have a verity of opinions and news.

    Yes how dare we use war as a last resort, and attempt to show people respect even though they are our sworn enemies I mean it’s not like it is something Jesus would do… oh wait…

    Once again I will take free speech and opposing view points any day of the week, and yes how dare laborers organize to attempt to get protection form company’s. One would almost think that the country has a history of exploiting their workers. You mean people out there value our one world how dare they!

    We’ll take the the vast majority of scientist, medical professionals, and professors thank you very much. I would much rather live where those responsible for our modern lifestyle then fall back into the dark ages where religion can be use to demean human kind.

    It is alright we really don’t want them either. Though the idea is nice.

    I will take a fuel efficient car any day anyways.

    You mean we can be more like France which has been rated the best healthcare in world, or Norway, or Denmark? How dare we be more concerned about taking care of fellow man instead of the bottom line, and here you are claiming to hold on to views and values of the Judo-christian faith hypocrites tell me when the last time Jesus charged for healing the blind or a leper.

    Have at them. You can even have the seal of the USA. We will go back to the original motto, E Pluribus Unum, or Out of Many, One.

    No we are sorry You can not have the history, We are honset about our history the good and the bad. Unlike your Tea Party that wants to remove all references to slavery form history, or the Texas board of education that wanted to tone down the words of Madison, Jefferson and Paine. Also attempting to claim that our conutry was founded as a christian nation which consdiering that neither god nor christinaty is mention in all of the founding documents would be a bald faced lie. You do not get the history of the country as you would do nothing but rewrite it.

  3. There is an old saying: “It takes all kinds”.

    Truth is, it doesn’t take all kinds…. We’re just stuck with all kinds!

  4. I disagree, i think you need both the right and the left. both sides produce ugly aspects of society but both brings things that society needs be strong and healthy and prosperous.

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