DOG AND CAT DIARIES

 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY:

 Day number 180

8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! 

Day number 181

8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

 Day number 182

8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

1:30 pm – oooooooh. bath. bummer. Sigh……

4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM – OH BOY! CHASE THE CAT! MY FAVORITE!

 

 

 

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY:

 DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. They put a delectable-looking bird out for me to see, but keep it from me, locked away in a small metal cage! What kind of sadistic monsters are these?? The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

 DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair… must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear into their hearts… They only cooed and condescended about what a “good little cat I was“…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid?  My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer..” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in that cage his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

cat in a bird cage with bird on top

Leftist Ideas Make for Worse Human Beings

In the past, I’ve opined on the violent history of the Left; and postulated that the root lies in its core beliefs.

Andrew Klavan has elucidated this point brilliantly in the following essay, found over at PJ Media:

The true test of a philosophy is not what it promises to make of the world but what it makes, in fact, of its adherents…

Leftism is bad for people. It makes them awful. The unwashed, ill-mannered, anti-Semitic, entitled, and now violent mobs littering various parts of the nation under the banner “Occupy” believe their ideas will lead to a better society — but they actually are the society their ideas lead to. Their behavior when compared to the polite, law-abiding, non-racist demonstrations of so-called tea partiers tells you everything you need to know about the end results of statism on the one hand and constitutional liberty on the other.

This is not, of course, to say that every left-winger is a miscreant but rather that the natural, indeed inevitable, result of statism is to produce nations of miscreants.

Read full essay here.

NASTY AS IT GETS?

Presidential politics has always been a contact sport; and this election cycle promises to be a rough one. In fact, we often hear politicians and pundits predicting the “nastiest” Presidential campaign in American history.

Well, those who claim that don’t know American history!

Watch this video, depicting the Presidential campaign of 1800, between two of our Founders, using the words that they actually wrote or said about each other; but done as we would see it today on television.

WAR!

When the Romans declared war on another people, the first act was to open the doors of the Temple of Bellona, ancient god of war. These bronze portals were kept closed in time of peace, and opened during periods of war.

Over at the Temple of Mut, the Goddess has opened those hoary bronze portals. She has cried “HAVOC!”  and let loose the dogs of WAR!

The liberal mainstream media is going kooky at the prospect that the most left-leaning President in history may be a one-term President. They will stop at nothing to weight the election in his favor. They will not hesitate to ridicule, smear, and slander not just the Republican nominee and his running-mate; that is a given. They will run roughshod over any who stand in their way.  

Its time for this President’s opponents to “go to the mattresses”, and prepare for the coming war that will be this election.

What is at stake is nothing less than the future of this, the “last best hope for mankind”.

Will America continue to be a beacon of individualism, self-reliance, personal freedom, and national exceptionalism? Or slip ever further into the economic and political morass that is the European socialist model the President and his party envision America becoming: A nation no prouder, no wealthier, no more free, no more exceptional than any other. Not the greatest nation on earth; not even primum inter pares (“first among equals”). But just one more politically corrupt and economically stagnant voting member of that morally bankrupt institution that is the United Nation’s. A nation where our secretary of defense has to ask permission from the “world community” before acting militarily to protect Americans; and where the American President bows to foreign kings.

Its time to go to WAR!

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN (FILL IN THE BLANK) WHEN….

You know you live in California when . . .  

1.You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.  

2.The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.  

3.The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.  

4.You know how to eat an artichoke.  

5.You drive to your neighborhood block party.  

6.When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.    

 

You live in New York when . . .  

1.You say “The City” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.  

2.You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.    

3.You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.  

4.You think Central Park is “nature.”  

5.You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.  

6.You’ve worn out a car horn.  

7.You think eye contact is an act of aggression.    

 

You live in Alaska when . . .  

1.You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.  

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.  

3.You have more than one recipe for moose.  

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.  

5.The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.    

 

You live in the Deep South when . . .  

1.You can get a movie and bait in the same store.  

2.”Ya’ll” is singular and “all ya’ll” is plural.  

3.After five years you still hear, “You ain’t from ’round here, are ya?”  

4.”He needed killin’ ” is a valid defense.  

5.Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.    

 

You live in Colorado when . . .  

1.You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.  

2.You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.  

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.  

4.The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.    

 

You live in the Midwest when . . .  

1.You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.  

2.Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.  

3.You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.  

4.You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”  

5.When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”    

 

You live in Florida when…  

1.You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.  

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind; even houses and cars.  

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.  

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.  

5. Cars in front of you are often driven by seemingly headless people.